Jennifer @ Wonderland

I’m a complicated person, I believe every one is.
I have lots of things that I want to do, or… I wish I can do.
But right now, I think my life is crashing.

I don’t have a stable relationship.
I don’t know if the man that MIGHT have a crush on me is a nice guy or not (with a girlfriend and still date others).
I don’t have a do-everything-together friend.
I don’t know why I have to work and do my job cuz I don’t really give a FXCK on how my company is going to make money.
I don’t know what else I can do to earn money.
I don’t have a perfect figure, I’m fat actually.
I don’t know why but it seems like no one likes me.
I hate almost everything at anytime.
I hate that I always smile when I look at my old photos.
I don’t have money to study abroad now.
I feel disgusted at myself.
I want to escape to a place where no one knows me.
I hate that I don’t have time for my hand-making projects.
I hate that I haven’t finish reading any book just because I get extremely exhausted each and every day.
I hate that I have to stay up late so to have a little time just for myself.
I don’t understand why everybody can live their boring lives and still enjoying it.
I don’t know why I can’t find any music I like.
I hate that I feel tired at anything in a super short time at almost anything.
I hate that I hardly keep my commitments.
I don’t understand why some people’s life is so smooth and easy.
I hate that I’m not satisfied at my FXCKING life and in every FXCHING thing.
I hate that even I know I’m fat, I still eat a lot of food and snacks.
I hate that I want freedom so badly.
I don’t want to faking a smile anymore.
I want to find my talent that can get other’s admiration.
I hate that I always think everyone else is stupid and pathetic.
I am so tired…

When can I get away from all these?
How can my life be so miserable and hopeless?

Am I not the happiest girl just a few years ago?
Am I not the most confident person among all my friends?
Am I not the most energetic and motivated person when I first step into the society?

What the hell had happened to me?

I want my naturally smile back, PLEASE!